


Forgiveness

by hlravensnest_archivist



Category: Highlander: The Raven
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-12-31
Updated: 1999-12-31
Packaged: 2018-12-16 22:13:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11838063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hlravensnest_archivist/pseuds/hlravensnest_archivist
Summary: Note from Daire, the archivist: this story was originally archived atHL Raven's Nest. Deciding to give the stories a more long-term home, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address onHL Raven's Nest's collection profile.





	Forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Daire, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HL Raven's Nest](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HL_Raven%27s_Nest). Deciding to give the stories a more long-term home, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HL Raven's Nest's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hlravensnest/profile).

 

Forgiveness

_Forgiveness_

By The Mistress of the Rose 

Disclaimer: The Highlander characters belong to Rysher and all those folks! No copyright infringement intended. For entertainment purposes only. Yada yada yada.  


***** 

Amanda walked into Joe's place with less then her usual flair. Joe's smile faltered as he took in the tight lines around her lips, the light that was missing from her eyes. "What's wrong?" he asked preemptively. 

"I need your help, Joe." A single tear left Amanda's beautiful brown eyes, devastating any resolve Joe might have had about keeping that old Watcher oath. Amanda at her best was irresistible...Amanda vulnerable was devastating. 

"What's wrong, Honey?" He had a sudden flashback to Amy, the vulnerability he saw in his daughter's face as she confronted her parentage. All those feelings of wanting to protect, to BE a father came to the fore in Amanda's pain, yet this woman had lived 20 of his lifetimes. 

"Joe, where's Duncan?" Joe froze, then took a deep breath and downed a strong shot of whiskey. 

"I don't know, Amanda. I could find out, but he made it pretty clear that he was walking away from us for awhile. He's been assigned a new watcher, and I've made it a point to stay away." It was easy to see the toll that decision was taking on him. 

_Damn, Duncan, anyhow,_ thought Amanda. _Damn him, damn his honor, damn him and every other Boy Scout around._ The pain that shot through her chest had nothing to do with Duncan. 

"Please, Joe. I really need to know." Amanda was walking a very thin line. Joe had never seen her this way. This was no scam. 

Reaching to pour Amanda a drink, and himself another, he kept prodding. "What's this about, Amanda? The truth, don't con me," he added, hoping to add a bit of levity but only pushing her closer to the edge. "Hey, Amanda, I was just kidding...what's gotten in to you?" 

"I think I've lost everything." Tossing back the drink, she angrily wiped the tears away. "Damn every Boy Scout that ever walked the earth." 

Joe suddenly wished he'd paid a little more attention to Nick. Cop, Ex-Cop, Boy Scout...he figured Amanda would lump them all together. "Man trouble, Amanda? YOU?" he teased. "Come on, now, Honey, no man alive could refuse you!" 

Amanda laughed, an empty brittle sound. "Pour another one, Joe, and listen..." Amanda proceeded to tell Joe about Nick, from the way they met, to the changes he brought about in her life. They'd met briefly during that time with Khorda, but Joe could tell Nick didn't trust him enough to really let Joe know him. When Amanda finally told him that she'd forced the issue of his immortality, Joe could do nothing more than stare into his drink, shaking his head. 

"Oh, Amanda, honey," he sighed. "Why didn't you give him the choice? Why didn't you let HIM be the one to decide?" 

"I couldn't lose him, Joe. I couldn't." Amanda's eyes cast downwards, but her chin lifted a notch. "I'd rather him hate me than have him die forever." 

"You love him." Joe swirled the ice in his glass and waited for her reply. Silence came. "Amanda...you LOVE him." 

"And he hates me." Amanda ran her hands through her hair. "What's worse, he won't even stick around so I can protect him. He doesn't know how to use a sword, he hates the idea of taking heads, he's completely vulnerable out there. And now I have no idea where he is. You've got to help me!" 

Joe watched this new Amanda, this Amanda he'd never seen before. "What can I do, Amanda? I'll help if I can." 

"Help me find Nick, then tell me how to find Duncan." 

***** 

The next day, Joe met Amanda with some news. "Duncan's in California, Amanda. Up in the Sierra Nevadas. Now maybe you can tell me how that's going to help you with Nick." 

"I don't know, Joe. Duncan and Nick are so much alike. I guess I'm just hoping that Duncan can tell me how to get Nick to forgive me." Joe shook his head at that kind of thinking. "I checked with our guys about Nick...there's a Watcher on him." 

He's alive. Waves of relief made Amanda weak, and she sank into a chair. "Where is he?" 

Joe hesitated to tell her. "I called him last night, Amanda. He doesn't want to see you." 

"Where IS he, Joe?" Nick's wishes didn't really enter into things right now. She HAD to see him. 

"He won't see you, Amanda. He is one pissed off man. But he's safe. He's on Holy Ground." Amanda quickly deduced where he was. 

"He's with Liam." Anger rose in her throat like bile. "I went to Liam. He knew how upset I was. Why didn't he tell me?" 

"Figure it out, Amanda. But I'm telling you, as a man...you gotta give Nick time. You got in this position by putting your wishes first. Don't do it again...he won't forgive that." Leaning over, he gently kissed Amanda on the forehead. "Good luck, Honey." 

***** 

Amanda drove through the wooded roads near Truckee. She could see why Duncan would like it here. Very peaceful. Serene Lakes, they call it. She smiled ruefully. How appropriate. 

Just past the lake, Amanda turned her car up the steep hill overlooking the beach. Halfway up the curving road, she felt the buzz of Duncan's proximity. Not for the first time this century she wondered if she would be welcomed or not. She remembered his parting words, and hoped they still held. 

Just as she drove into the last driveway at the top of the hill, the door opened. As he'd done since she met him that long ago day with Rebecca, Duncan took her breath away. His hair was growing long again, and he was sporting a mountain look with several day's worth of stubble. She drank in the chiseled features, the ease with which he lived in his body. Flannel or linen, this man carried a grace that shone like a beacon. Amanda waited for the familiar feelings of wanting him to build, but they never came. For the very first time, she admired his beauty, she longed for his friendship, but her heart was her own. 

Not quite. Her heart was Nick's. 

Duncan stood at his front door and wondered about this intrusion. After all he'd been through, he needed to be alone. Now here was Amanda...he laughed. Of course here was Amanda. There's always Amanda. He smiled down at her and opened his arms. She flew up the stairs and flung her arms around him. 

"Duncan." He hugged her tight, remembering the feeling of a centuries old friendship. 

"Amanda, what are you doing here?" Never knowing what a visit from Amanda might bring, he couldn't help but tease, "Do I let you in my cabin, or should I just call the police now?" 

Amanda stiffened. She'd never been so sensitive before. She knew that Duncan's teasing was meant to make her laugh, yet her laughter had never been so far away. She started to pull away, only to have his hand reach up into her hair to cradle her head. "Hey, where are you going? Amanda, what's wrong?" 

"I need your help." No games, no primrose path to walk along. 

"Anything. Come inside." Duncan led Amanda into the warmth of his cabin, and settled her on the couch. "Can I get you a beer?" 

Refusing a glass, Amanda took the cold Corona Duncan offered. She wasn't quite sure where to begin. Duncan could be so damn self-righteous. She wasn't really up to another Boy Scout lecture on how she'd done Nick wrong. 

Duncan watched silently as Amanda became more and more tense. Whatever was coming was not going to be easy for her. _What's she done now,_ he wondered. 

"Just say it, Amanda." He reached to massage the back of her neck, trying to reassure her. 

"I need you to come to Paris with me." Duncan sat quietly waiting for more. None came. 

"No." He got up and fiddled with the CD's on his unit. 

"'No'?" she asked. "Just 'no'? Aren't you even going to ask why?" 

"I'm not going back to Paris for a long time." Even the name of the place was too painful for him. He'd hit Paris sometime next century. Or maybe the one after that. 

"Duncan, I've never asked you for anything before-" Amanda stopped as Duncan's head whipped around unbelievingly. "Okay, so I ask you for a lot of crap. But I've never asked you for anything that means this much to me." She walked to him and took both his hands. "Duncan, I'm begging you." 

"Why, Amanda? What could be so important?" Duncan could feel his anger rising as his resolve melted. Amanda got under his skin too easily. But his mind was made up. He was NOT going to Paris. 

"I need you to talk to someone. I need you to help me make someone forgive me." For the first time he noticed the way Amanda was fidgeting, the way her leg bounced as she talked. He'd never seen Amanda so uptight. 

"Who is it, and what did you do?" He was not going, he was merely curious. 

"His name is Nick Wolfe, and he's one of us. Only he just became one of us. Because I killed him. And he can't forgive me for that." Amanda sat looking at Duncan like that should explain everything. 

"Is that all? You killed him, and he's holding a little grudge over that?" Duncan rolled his eyes as relief swept over him. This is just another Amanda melodrama. Nothing to make him leave his sanctuary. 

"You're not listening to me!" Amanda's tears gave way to the terror she felt in her heart. She quickly explained the circumstances that led to her momentous decision. "I HAD to do it, Duncan. I couldn't lose him. You understand, don't you?" 

Duncan had long ago walked to the other side of the room. More than her words, he heard a desperation, a depth in Amanda's voice that had never been there. Jealousy, pure and simple, reared its ugly head. He and Amanda might never make it as a long term couple, but he always believed she'd be there as his backup. Just like he was her backup. Only she wasn't looking for a backup anymore. Duncan wasn't quite sure what he was feeling. 

"What do you want from me, Amanda? What do you think I can do for Nick?" He must admit, he was curious about the man who had reached into Amanda's conscience and found what no one had before. 

"Two things. First of all, I want you to make him forgive me." Duncan shook his head at this piece of idiocy. 

"Amanda, you can't MAKE anyone forgive. That comes from inside. What kind of magic do you think I can do?" He gently stroked the hair from her eyes as he tried to make her understand. 

"Duncan, you're my best friend. You know me better than anyone, even the bad stuff. And you're a Boy Scout." The youngest eyes he'd ever seen from this woman pleaded with him. "If you can love me knowing all you know, maybe you can convince him he can love me." 

Duncan DEFINITELY wasn't used to being in this position with this woman. This was going to take some getting used to. "You said two things. What's the second thing you want me to do." 

Amanda took a deep breath and gathered all her courage. Thoughts of Richie swarmed around her, brushing against her in warning and encouragement. Squaring her shoulders, she faced Duncan head on. "I want you to be his teacher." 

Duncan stared at her in shock, then anger, as all his ghosts found him at once. One shivering tear rolled down his cheek as he held off the memories. Amanda had no right. Without a word, Duncan left the cabin. 

***** 

Amanda walked down the hill towards the lake. She couldn't feel Duncan, so she had no idea where to look. She knew she was asking a lot, she just hadn't counted on the pain she saw in Duncan's face. 

She would do it again, though, if she had to. He has to help her. He just has to. 

Walking along the edge of the lake, she bathed in the soft breeze, taking the sweet pine scent of the mountains deep into her lungs. Watching the sun take an early sunset behind the high mountaintops, she wondered when Duncan would return. Just as the thought formed in her mind, she felt him nearing her. Bracing herself, she waited for him to find her. 

"Why, Amanda? Why would you be so selfish?" She had pretty much counted on this being what he'd feel, so the words held no real sting. "I'll NEVER teach again. How could you ask that of me?" 

Richie danced between them, bringing tears to one and a smile to another. "I miss him, too, Duncan. I loved his smile." 

"Don't, Amanda. Don't talk about him." He had to run, to get out of there. How could Amanda do this to him? 

"Fine, we won't. But I'm still asking. Hell, Duncan...I'll do anything you want, just please, do this." Amanda gathered all her strength to force this issue. 

"I won't Amanda. Go home. Find someone else." Turning, he started to walk up the hill to the cabin. 

"I want him to live, Duncan. You're the best I know. His best shot is with you for his teacher." 

"You're asking too much." Duncan couldn't get past his pain. 

"I know. I'm asking anyway. I want him to live." He had never seen this side of Amanda, and he'd never seen this firm a resolve in her. 

"Just tell me why, Amanda. Give me one good reason why I should risk this for you? Why should I risk this for anyone?" He could feel himself weakening against her, and this made his temper flare even more. "You have no right!" 

Amanda took his hands in hers, and gently placed a kiss on his palms. Cradling his hands in hers, she forced him to look into her eyes. "Duncan, I never thought I'd find him. I never thought I'd love anyone like this. I'll do ANYTHING to keep him alive." She struggled for the words to explain what she felt. 

"Duncan," she whispered. "I found my Tessa." 

***** 

Hand in hand, they walked up the church. Smiling his reassurance, he still wondered at his being here. Suddenly they felt the presence of another immortal. "Liam's here," Amanda told him. "I just hope Nick's still here, too." 

"Duncan!" Liam cried as he walked out the front doors. Embracing his old friend, "What are you doing here?" He then spied Amanda. "Amanda....what are you doing here?" The same words spoken so differently, Amanda had no doubt that her welcome was questionable. 

"Is he here, Liam? And don't lie to me this time." Liam looked down, smiled ruefully, then shook his head at Amanda. 

"I never lied, Amanda. I just didn't tell you everything. And that was Nick's wish. It's STILL his wish. Don't force this Amanda. You won't like what you get from him." Duncan could sense Amanda's pain, then all three immortals perked up with the buzz of another. 

"Liam," called a voice strange to one, familiar to another, and dear beyond words to the third. "Liam, you out here?" Nick stopped dead in his tracks as he spotted Amanda. All the rage, all the betrayal he felt washed over him like a sudden wave. 

"Hello, Nick." Amanda spoke so softly, so tentatively, both Liam and Duncan stood amazed. Amanda uncertain was a new one on both of them. "How are you?" 

"Go to hell, Amanda." Nick turned and walked away. 

Duncan turned to Liam, "Well this is going well," as Amanda rushed after Nick. 

"Nick, wait. Please! You have to listen to me." Amanda ran to catch up to him, but he just walked faster. 

"No I don't lady. There are a lot of things I have to do in this world, listen to you is NOT one of them." 

"Dammit, Nick, this is your LIFE we're talking about." Amanda's desperation kept her running after him. 

"A life I want no part of." With that he turned the corner and left her behind. 

Knowing she couldn't catch him, she stopped the chase, and slumped deflated onto a nearby bench to gather her forces. Duncan found her staring at the flowers on the trees around her, a dejected look on her face that twisted his heart. "Nice guy," he muttered, only to have Amanda deliver a shriveling stare. 

"Let me talk to him. Liam told me Nick's been training, but that his heart isn't in it. I'll go find him." Amanda still couldn't talk, but she rested her head on his shoulder in appreciation. 

"Now this is something. The day someone can finally shut you up!..." Amanda's smile didn't quite reach her eyes. 

***** 

Duncan returned to the church that evening to talk with Liam and find out more about Nick. Liam told him that Nick would be coming by that evening for dinner, so they could meet then. 

"Amanda's really done it this time, hasn't she?" Liam's presence was always so calming, it felt good to just sit with him. 

Duncan laughed. "Amanda never hesitated to turn our lives upside down, looks like she did herself in this time." Duncan and Liam had a wealth of Amanda stories, and both were in fits of laughter when Nick walked in. 

"Come on in, Nick! There's someone you should meet Nick, this is Duncan MacLeod. Duncan, Nick Wolfe." Duncan reached for Nick's hand and saw the wariness behind his eyes. 

"You were with Amanda this afternoon," Nick began accusingly. 

"Yes, but don't hold that against me. We go back a long way." Nick sat down, trying to relax, but not quite comfortable yet with a new immortal. This buzz thing still whacked him out a bit. 

"Duncan's here to help you, Nick," Liam began, trying to help things along. "He wants to teach you." 

Nick and Duncan eyed each other, both unsure of the measure of the other man. "Where does she fit in to all this?" 

Duncan laughed, knowing he better be straight with Nick if he ever hoped to befriend him. "She came to me and asked me to teach you. She's very protective of you. She cares about you." 

Nick jumped out of chair and wandered the room. "Yeah, well, I don't need that kind of caring." 

"Look, Nick, I'm not about to condone what Amanda did. You have every right to be mad as hell. But you still need a teacher, and I'm willing to do it." Nick still resisted, so Duncan couldn't help but add, "If it makes you feel any better, Amanda's gotten me shot at and nearly hung and jailed and just about every other kind of trouble. At least we'll have that in common." 

Nick had to smile, but he still wouldn't relax. "And you still call her a friend?" 

Duncan and Liam looked at one another with smiles of resignation. "One of my best." 

"Great...I get some mentally unstable guy for my teacher. Just my luck." Nick looked Duncan up and down, then added, "Well, one last thing. You dress pretty good, but are you any good in a fight?" 

Duncan laughed at his student's audacity, and as they were leaving for dinner, he joked, "I'll try not to hurt you too badly at first." 

***** 

Amanda waited outside the dojo where Duncan was training Nick. She could hear the arguing, the laughter. Duncan said Nick's doing okay. She smiled half-heartedly. She wanted him to live, yes, and for this she was glad. But it was time to do something about that other thing. 

She wanted him to love. 

The door opened. Amanda stood entranced as these two delicious men left the building. Nick's steps faltered as he saw her, then he just nodded to Duncan and walked the other direction. Amanda started to follow. 

"I wouldn't Amanda," Duncan warned, knowing it was fruitless to try to stop Amanda from anything. "You've got a lot of years to get him to forgive you. I wouldn't push it now." 

Amanda's wave as she passed him showed him just how little his warning meant. He only hoped it wouldn't come to swords, chuckling as he pictured the scene. Nick had a lot of talent, but Amanda fought dirty. 

Amanda finally caught up to Nick as he was turning into his apartment's entryway. "Nick," she called, breathless. Nick responded by closing and locking the door. 

"He locked the door," she muttered. "He MUST be kidding." Amanda unlocked the door and walked into the apartment within moments. Nick was stripping down for a shower, and didn't appreciate the interruption. 

"Get the hell out of here, Amanda!" He grabbed a towel and covered himself. "I don't want to talk to you, so get out." 

"Oh, please, Nick, it's not like I haven't seen it all before," she smiled sweetly, remembering the lovely glimpse of him she'd had that night in the tub. "By the way, how's your tattoo doing?" 

Nick roared his frustration as he fought his emotions. "I HATE you, Amanda, for what you did to me. Just get out. Don't you get it? I HATE you!" 

His words struck her like blows. Tears in her eyes not withstanding, she walked within inches of him. Nodding her head, she whispered, "I know. I couldn't bear to see you die. You had to live. Forgive me. I love you." 

"Forgive you? For this? Get out before I HURT you, Amanda..." Grabbing her shoulders, his fingers dug in, his arms shaking with the effort of controlling his raging emotions. 

"I love you," she whispered again, leaning in to try to kiss him. 

"I HATE you..." The words were wrenched from him, torn between his need to hurt her and his need for her. 

Her lips touching his set loose the fire. Still needing to hurt her, he forced his tongue between her lips, conquering her mouth instead of pleasuring it. Amanda was there to meet him thrust for thrust, her own tongue capturing his, urging him on, goading his passions. 

"I hate you," he whispered as one arm wrapped around her hips and he ground his throbbing body against hers. 

"I love you," she whispered back. Forcing her to the ground, he covered her with his anger and his body. She took his anger inside her, her tears releasing her pain and his, accepting his punishing kisses and trembling hands. The simple towel he wore was no barrier to her knowing fingers, and at the first touch of him, his body jerked in the pleasure pain of extreme need. 

"Don't," he rasped out, wrenching her hand from him. 

"I love you," she continued to whisper. Then the words that devastated him, "I need you, Nick. I need you inside me, please. Now..." 

Holding his body off hers, Nick looked down into her melting brown eyes, feeling her strong, perfect body beneath his. He'd loved her for so long, he couldn't fight it anymore. The passion of his anger and the months of wanting her combined to create the most powerful need he'd ever felt. He had to have her now. Literally ripping her shirt open, he gazed upon the most perfect breasts he'd ever seen. His groan as he fell to them was music to Amanda, knowing he wouldn't be leaving her now. 

Holding him close, she managed to remove the rest of her clothes as he feasted at her breasts, drawing her nipples deeper and deeper in his mouth. His ravenous sucking kept her weaving between bliss and pain. His beard scraped the sensitive globes of her breasts, but she wouldn't stop him for the world. 

Feeling his naked body against hers, she reveled at the feel of him in her arms, the way his legs felt against hers. His sinewy strength, his beautiful form...she wanted to spend hours just looking at him and touching him and tasting him, but she knew this wasn't the time. Nick's need was fast burgeoning out of control, and she wouldn't wait a moment longer to hold him in her body. 

"Oh, please, Nick, now, please." Her begging was the sweetest sound he'd ever heard, and he wasted no time in fulfilling her pleas. Her lovely legs already locked tight around his hips, he pulled back to watch her face as he entered her. Eyes locked, he waited, then lost himself in her depths with a single powerful thrust. With a low growl of base hunger and need, their bodies waged war in a battle of emotions and thrusts, anger and caresses, desires and needs culminating in a moment of madness, bliss, and pure blazing hot pleasure. 

Losing herself to the power of their release, Amanda found herself back in her body cradled in Nick's arms. He'd somehow carried her to his bed. The passion spent, she feared a return of his anger and loathing. Unable to speak, she placed soft kisses on his chest, rubbing her cheek against the soft furring there. 

"I guess forever's an awful long time to stay mad," Nick began as he stroked her skin with just the tips of his fingers, still carrying the callouses of his pre-immortal days. Thoughts of holding Amanda just like this had haunted him mercilessly, and now that she was here, he couldn't remember why he fought it. 

"Does that mean I'm forgiven?" Amanda finally ventured, pushing herself up on one elbow to read his face. 

Nick was silent a bit too long. Amanda read his reluctance to forgive her and started to pull away, only to find she was unable to move. Nick held her with a strength she was unprepared for, yet thrilled her all the same. 

"I don't know if I've forgiven you completely, Amanda. But I also know you're not leaving this bed for a long time. Maybe forever." Pulling her on top of him, he positioned her where he wanted her, and drank her in with with his eyes. "Your perfect body has let you get away with too much crap, Amanda, and I'm telling you, that's not going to happen with me." 

Leaning down to gently kiss him, she whispered her thanks against his lips. Kissing him and taking him into her body at the same time, she laughed a deep sultry chuckle. "Whatever you say, Nick..." 

***** 

RMK 

***** 

© 1999   
Please send comments to the author! 

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